Haven't met you yet....

I have discovered in my 25 years of living that awkward follows me around. Yes awkward. I don't know why but it does. I am just awesome like that. So tonight I had some particular awkwardness come into my life. I have to admit this is not the first time this particular type has found me and I can only assume it won't be the last time. I have decided to write this post as a how to get out of this particular situation so hopefully someone somewhere will be helped by my words of advice (doubtful though considering my blog reaches maybe 5 people).

Awkward moment-The marriage question in all its forms.

1. So when is the big day?
This is one of my particular favorites because of its level of awkward. The person asks this question knowing you are not remotely close to marriage much less dating.

How to answer: The best way I have discovered through trial and error is to just laugh it off and say, "HAHAHAHA! Well that's news to me I didn't know I was getting married!" Insert big fake smile here to make them think they really are funny.

What I wanted to answer: Stare awkwardly at them with no facial expression whatsoever. "I am never getting married thanks for broaching that sensitive subject" and proceed run out of the room crying hysterically.

2. Why are you not married?
This question is my second favorite awkward marriage questions because if I knew I obviously wouldn't still be single.

How to answer: Awkward laugh (this is important so the person still thinks their question is amusing even though you have lost count how many times they have asked you) "I wish I could answer that" Sweet grin like you think you are just perfect the way you are.

What I wanted to answer: "Well gee if I knew I wouldn't be single would I? Do you know why I am still single? Be honest now."

3. Are you dating someone? Why not?
Not as bad just not the best choice for a conversation starter.

How to answer: "Nope not yet" Followed by a sweet smile. Then comes the kicker...the why not question. You can refer to the previous question or make up some humorous answer to make them feel better about bringing up the one subject you do not want to talk about with the older generation. Humorous answer: "Oh hahaha it must be because I just run too fast no one has caught me yet." The older generation usually just eats this up and it creates the conversation they were looking for. It means more suffering on your part but the other party usually walks away at the end of the conversation pleased that they solved your problem. Now how did they solve your problem you ask? By telling you to slow down and let someone catch you. In my head that equals you should lower your standards and marry the next guy who seems remotely interested in you. It may just be me but I don't see this working out to my benefit. Or as I was told tonight, "I will just tell the next young guy I see to run faster so you don't get away next time." As always awkward laugh and then say something back like, "Hahahaha I will keep a look out for him!" Smile like they just solved your life problem and will no longer be single.

What I want to answer: No I am not dating someone. Why? Because all the guys I have met obviously are not interested in me enough to date me or vise versa. Unfortunately I have found from experience that this whole 'in-like' thing has to go both ways at the same time; both parties must feel interested for a relationship to go somewhere. That has not happened recently so therefore I am not dating someone.

4. Has someone caught you yet?
This question is just awesome because I love being compared to some fish in a net that has just been reeled in against its will. That is exactly how I want my love story to be!!!

How to answer: "Nope not yet!" Insert sweet smile here (they just eat up that sweet smile bit)

What I want to answer: No and I don't plan on being caught like a fish. I prefer it to be a mutual relationship instead of being reeled into something I don't want to be apart of.

5. Have you found someone yet because you've gotta be running out of time in the singles ward?
This one I have saved because not only are they bashing you because of your relationship status but they are calling you old simultaneously! My favorite!

How to answer: I haven't found anyone yet but I will keep looking hopefully I find one soon before I have to leave.

What I want to answer: Thank you for not only pointing out my single status but the fact that I am also getting old. I would like to inform you that I do still have 5 years left in the singles ward before I am nicely asked to move on to the family ward...family less. I would also like to congratulate you on your tactless skill in bringing up two sensitive subjects in one sentence! I am going to go wallow in self pity now.

Disclaimer: I said this was a how to post. I would suggest using the How to answer phrases and keep the What I want to answer part to yourself....it's more like an inner monologue. Really I shouldn't be trusted to give advice on this subject although I do have to say I am a professional and probably can give sound advice from experience how ever I do not want to be held responsible for anyone using any of this 'how to' advice. USE AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!

Photo Challenge

I am currently addicted to a wonderful website called pinterest. You can use you time by pinning pictures of things you wish you had, wish you could create, wish you had thought of to say, or simply a picture of something funny. Awesome! It is a way to feel productive while sitting in front of your computer really doing nothing. It's great! Anyway...I have decided to put one of the glorious tidbits I found on there into action! A photo challenge and I decided my blog (that I rarely write on anyway) would be a great place to document this. Hopefully using my blog will motivate me to actually finish all 30 days of this photo challenge.

Day 1: self-portrait

Questions for the void.....

How can you miss someone you don't even know?

How do you know what to do with life?

How do people make life changing decisions look so easy?

Can I have a road map to my life?

Can I have a puppy? preferably a blood hound one cause they are super cute!

Cutest thing ever right?!?

Well that's all for now....questions for the void......

5K!

Today I ran my first 5K and it was AWESOME!!! I am one step closer to running a half marathon! WOOT!! That is all.

Menace

Today I turned the big 2-5....yup I am now officially a quarter of a century old. I woke up excited because in my first class I got to dissect a sheep brain. Super awesome right?? It totally was! So as I am getting ready this morning I look out the window as I always do so I can decide on what I want to wear that day. I peek through my blinds to see SNOW. Really mother nature snow??!!?? Fine so I put on some pants and a tshirt because I am coming home after my first class anyway to change (who wants to smell like formaldehyde all day??) As I am angry that it is snowing on my day of being born I brush my teeth and drop toothpaste on my shirt. I don't have enough time to change because I look out to see that the bus is here. AWESOME! I throw on my jacket and run out the door so I don't miss the bus. As I am sitting on the bus contemplating the events of the morning this movie quote comes to mind, "Then the clouds opened up and God said, 'I hate you Alfalfa'. " Yup that pretty much sums it up. I go to all my classes get wished happy birthday a lot, get called old a few times, ate some cake, went to Applebee's which was super good! And I just realized I left my box of food on the table at the restaurant..well there goes my awesome leftovers for lunch! I even held in my anxiety of being the center of attention and pretended to enjoy it. All in all it was a pretty good birthday thanks to amazing friends who made my day special.

For some reason I didn't really enjoy myself....this was a hard birthday. I never truly understood what people meant when they say that. I do now. All my life I was fed the LDS fantasy of what life should be like. You graduate high school, go to college, find your companion, get married young, and make babies, and be happy for eternity. Well guess what?!? I am no longer 'young' I am STILL in college and I am as far from being married as I have ever been. Awesome Jess, you have epically failed at that LDS fantasy that every leader taught you. So tonight after everyone left I took off my happy face and I cried.

I cried out of frustration, stress, disappointment in myself, and because that's what I do when life seems lost. I hate the feeling that I am this old and still don't have much to show for it. I am very goal oriented and a list maker. My list of life accomplishments is pretty slim. I don't even know where I am going to be in 2 weeks from now. (maybe I will go live in a van down by the river!) I have yet to hear if I am accepted into the master's program and that is killing me. I put on a good show and pretend like it is not in front of everyone but deep down I am freaking out with each passing day of not getting that letter in the mail. I want to be a speech therapist more than anything and knowing that I might not get that dream is more than I can handle. I don't know what I am going to do if that doesn't work out. Everyone tells me that I will get in but what else are they going to say? "You are not very smart why did you even try?" Maybe I should have friends like that instead of the super nice ones that way I will always have a reality check. Well as always I can't be Negative Nancy for very long even if I really really really really really want to my brain just starts thinking of positive things. Sheesh! So here goes my positive list of being 25.

1. I am still single and can flirt/make out with whoever I want!

2. I can travel anywhere I want and apply for jobs anywhere!

3. I have better friends than I deserve!!!!!

4. I hate that I am positive...but I am sure that is a good thing so it goes on the list.

5. I have the best family ever!

6. I have so many options open to me right now the world is mine for the taking!

7. I cherish every one of my life experiences because each one is a learning experience that helps me become the person I am striving to be.

8. I am 'mature'...haha ok not really but by 25 I should be so it goes on the list too.

9. I have the gospel in my life.

10. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me and that He does have a plan for this 25 year old even if I don't know what it is....I have faith in His plan even if I am impatient and don't want to wait for it to unfold.

Good thing not many people read my blog....this is quite the depressing entry but I had to tell someone....so thank you blogging world for listening to this 25 year old's meltdown. I promise from now on I will embrace being 25 and love every minute of it!

Awkward!

I have a new perdicament I have never faced before. After being in college for 6 years I have had many different roommates. The mean one, the good girl, the rebel, the vain, the immature, the annoying, the awkward (this might have been me a couple semesters), the quiet, and the way too loud. All of these I can deal with....tell the vain one to get over themselves...tell the mean one they are a jerkface!...have the good girl live a little...avoid the annoying if at all possible...as for the awkward there is usually potential there you just have to take them under your wing and help them realize there is more to life than being awkward ALL the time (it usually works, I think it worked for me....maybe). This semester I have noticed a smell in my apartment that has slowly been building with each passing day. At first I thought it was the trash because I am the one who usually takes it out. Then I thought maybe there is something rotting somewhere in the apartment. Nope. I even took out my bedroom trash for good measure even though it was just filled with paper. Then this afternoon as I was sleeping ever so peacefully on the couch under my favorite fuzzy red blanket. My roommate comes out and slams her bowl and her can of food loudly on the counter and wakes me up. I don't wake up easy so good job! I decided I should make an effort to be friendly now that I am awake. We start a casual conversation and she comes over by me as she comes closer I notice a smell but try my best not to smell it or pin it on her. Then she leaves to go back to her room and the smell dissapates a little. I don't know what to do! I will most likely just continue to pretend like I don't smell anything and endure for the next 2 weeks.

Running!

Remember when I said I was going to run a half marathon? Well guess what??!! I still am going to do it! I have started running and I can now say I almost enjoy it. This is a big step for me because I used to absolutely loathe running unless I was on the racquetball court or playing some other sport. Now I can almost say going for a run is relaxing and a nice way to spend an hour or so. I am getting closer to my goal of liking running and my goal of possibly not dying during my half marathon. Oh and I am going to sign up to run a 5K in Idaho Falls in May. Woot for running....almost.

I would rather...

I would rather be doing this...

than this in the library....

Oh the joys of midterms!! 4 more days til Spring Break! I can make it!!!!

A mixture of feelings

It is almost springtime! That means warm weather, green grass, spring flowers, Chacos :D, and people falling in love. What is it about springtime that makes people all mushy on the inside? I don't understand it. As I have contemplated the mysteries of springtime and love I have discovered maybe you have to believe in love in order to fall in love. Yeah I know sounds harsh right? What kind of girl doesn't believe in love. Well it's not that I don't believe in it I just don't think I know what it is. Some fall in love almost immediately others take their time. I wonder if most are not just infatuated with one another and have enough stubbornness and gumption to make it work out in the end. I think that is my problem I am not a girl that crushes on guys. I do not get infatuated with people. I am also not one of those girls that longs to be married. I say it will happen when it happens. Although recently I have had an experience or two that have changed my mind. Like sometimes I just wish I could walk around my apartment in whatever I want or lack there of but unfortunately due to roommates being scarred for life I choose not too. I have also learned that living with just one guy has got to be easier than living with 5 girls. I love my roommates I have awesome girls to live with but sometimes too much estorgen in one place is a lot to handle..that and sometimes girls just freak me out. I will not go into detail but trust me sometimes some stuff is just better not written down to remember forever. After today I have a glimpse at that springtime love bug. I have not been bitten yet but at least now I realize that the bug is in the same room with me. That's a start right? This has been your update into the goings on of Jess.

P.S. I still think that the best part of springtime by far is wearing my Chacos!!! That picture is of me this coming summer...yeah that's right!

Challenge

I was challenged in my awesome friends blog to make a list of 15 random things about me. How could I not take a challenge to make a list and have an excuse to procrastinate homework? So here is my list of me!

1. I dream almost everynight and can remember all or part of my dream. I have had a dream in cartoon but never black and white.

2. I love it when guys speak in portuguese or spanish around me. They move up quickly on the hot scale when they speak one of these to languages.

3. When I cook I love to listen to latin music and dance around the kitchen.

4. I don't get mad easily...there are only a few times in my life that I can remember where I have been truly mad.

5. I am a very closed person. I do not share things about myself with others unless I trust them and they ask me directly.

6. I would rather just sit and talk, joke, and play games than go and do something planned and extravagant with my friends.

7. One of my bucket list items is to make out in the library before I graduate college, because I think it would be a better alternative to doing homework in the library.

8. I like trying new things and pushing myself to do things I don't think I can. My newest adventure is to run a half marathon. I HATE running.

9. I have a hard time making small decisions but important life changing decisions are easy.

10. I love the outdoors....my favorite is a night sky full of stars.

11. I love pillows and sleep with 4 each night.

12. I talk in my sleep. I wake myself up talking often.

13. I love to take pictures but have not for a long time.

14. I love being spontaneous. (this is probably due to #9 then I don't have to make decisions of what to do)

15. The way to my heart is through laughter and music.

Studying...or not.

As I sit in the library and attempt to study diligently for my really super hard neurology disorders test tomorrow all these thoughts come into my head of things I would rather be doing. I am having a hard time staying on task with this whole studying thing. So I decided to write down all the things I would rather be doing.

Sleep

Go country dancing

Go latin dancing

Go on a drive

Go on a random trip to find the perfect picture taking spot

Talk to my family and see how they are doing

Write a blog :)

Play Sudoku (I'm slightly addicted)

Watch a movie snuggled up on the couch with my blanket

Cuddle...

Read a book for fun (NOT a textbook)

Go on a walk (even though it is SUPER freezing outside this is how much I do not want to study)

Go on a run

Play racquetball

Take a nap

Go shooting

Ride my horse

I think I would even take shopping over doing homework right now

And for the first time in my life I am ready for winter to be over. Usually I love it but this year I just want it to be warm! Spring come fast!

I love movie quotes

Lately I have been comparing my life to movie quotes. Why I don't know, most likely because I watch/own WAY too many movies. Below I have compiled some random movie quotes that go along with what is going on in my life right now or because I think they are funny and I like them!

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while you could miss it.
-Ferris Bueller's Day Off

If you're not willing to risk it all then you don't want it bad enough.

Love cannot be found where it does not exist, nor cannot be hidden where it truly does.
-Kissing a Fool (I have never seen this movie but I like the quote)

You can't live your life for other people. You've got to do what's right for you, even if it hurts some people you love.
-Notebook

When a defining moment comes along, you can do one of two things. Define the moment, or let the moment define you.
-Tin Cup

Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
-Billy Madison

Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgement that something is more important than fear. The brave do not live forever but the cautious do not live at all.
-Princess Diaries

That's what people do. They leap, and hope to God they can fly.
-Hitch

That's just the trouble with me, I give myself very good advice but I very seldom follow it.
-Alice in Wonderland

No man...if you wanna kiss her...You go right ahead and you kiss her! I mean, knock yourself out! You just take her...then kiss her. Then kiss the crap out of her!
-She's the Man

I'm your huckleberry...
-Tombstone

I'm a woman, I like men. If that means I'm not "lady-like", then I guess I'm just not a lady! At least I'm honest.
You're different. No arguin' that. But you're a lady alright. I'd take my oath on it.
-Tombstone

I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
-Monty Python and the Holy Grail (hahhahahhaha)

When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome. Then, of course, you spoke.
-As Good As It Gets


Well I must go be productive now.. Live long and prosper!

Insanity.......?

Pretty sure I just bought my ticket for the crazy bus! I signed up to run a half marathon with my sister Stephanie. I have not ran long distance since 7th grade. We are not going to calculate how long ago that was we are just going to say long enough. I am however excited for this experience...hence the crazy bus. I am excited to take this opportunity to get back into shape and learn to like running for fun. I will hopefully keep up with this experience through this blog. I hope to be able to accomplish this because it is on my bucket list! :)

I had something else to write on here that was going to be awesome but I can't remember right now so....this is all for now.

As always this will be a random post...cause well I am random. I started by having the intentions of creating a serious and profound list of new year resolutions that I was going to keep and be able to check off at the end of this year. Then as I start any post or anything I procrastinate by getting on facebook first. As I was reading my friends profound posts of things they were going to change and do in this next year I discovered that I do not want to be profound and serious this year. This year I am turning 25! Yeah I know I am old and will officially be able to say I am quarter of a century old (which secretly I think will be cool to be able to say)! I decided in this my 25 year I am not going to have serious new year resolutions instead I am going to have pointless ones....ones that will not benefit my life in anyway other than make me smile.

*learn how to do a cartwheel
*hike to the pillar things outside my window
*say what's on my mind cause usually it is funny (in hopes I don't offend ;) )
*dance in the rain
*kiss while it is snowing/raining (either works well for the romanticness of it all)
*have a food fight
*suck jello through a straw
*drive a semi
*wake up early just to watch the sunrise
*go star gazing
*play an epic game of sardines
*learn how to bowl so I can score above a 62 (my highest score ever!)
*go country dancing
*overall goal to just be myself and be more outgoing....I need to stop being the quiet one that sits on the sideline....

Here's to 2011! This is going to be an awesome year!
Hopefully I will be more diligent in blogging this year so that I can blog about how well I am doing at keeping these epic resolutions. If you think of anything I need to add to this list please let me know!