Haven't met you yet....

I have discovered in my 25 years of living that awkward follows me around. Yes awkward. I don't know why but it does. I am just awesome like that. So tonight I had some particular awkwardness come into my life. I have to admit this is not the first time this particular type has found me and I can only assume it won't be the last time. I have decided to write this post as a how to get out of this particular situation so hopefully someone somewhere will be helped by my words of advice (doubtful though considering my blog reaches maybe 5 people).

Awkward moment-The marriage question in all its forms.

1. So when is the big day?
This is one of my particular favorites because of its level of awkward. The person asks this question knowing you are not remotely close to marriage much less dating.

How to answer: The best way I have discovered through trial and error is to just laugh it off and say, "HAHAHAHA! Well that's news to me I didn't know I was getting married!" Insert big fake smile here to make them think they really are funny.

What I wanted to answer: Stare awkwardly at them with no facial expression whatsoever. "I am never getting married thanks for broaching that sensitive subject" and proceed run out of the room crying hysterically.

2. Why are you not married?
This question is my second favorite awkward marriage questions because if I knew I obviously wouldn't still be single.

How to answer: Awkward laugh (this is important so the person still thinks their question is amusing even though you have lost count how many times they have asked you) "I wish I could answer that" Sweet grin like you think you are just perfect the way you are.

What I wanted to answer: "Well gee if I knew I wouldn't be single would I? Do you know why I am still single? Be honest now."

3. Are you dating someone? Why not?
Not as bad just not the best choice for a conversation starter.

How to answer: "Nope not yet" Followed by a sweet smile. Then comes the kicker...the why not question. You can refer to the previous question or make up some humorous answer to make them feel better about bringing up the one subject you do not want to talk about with the older generation. Humorous answer: "Oh hahaha it must be because I just run too fast no one has caught me yet." The older generation usually just eats this up and it creates the conversation they were looking for. It means more suffering on your part but the other party usually walks away at the end of the conversation pleased that they solved your problem. Now how did they solve your problem you ask? By telling you to slow down and let someone catch you. In my head that equals you should lower your standards and marry the next guy who seems remotely interested in you. It may just be me but I don't see this working out to my benefit. Or as I was told tonight, "I will just tell the next young guy I see to run faster so you don't get away next time." As always awkward laugh and then say something back like, "Hahahaha I will keep a look out for him!" Smile like they just solved your life problem and will no longer be single.

What I want to answer: No I am not dating someone. Why? Because all the guys I have met obviously are not interested in me enough to date me or vise versa. Unfortunately I have found from experience that this whole 'in-like' thing has to go both ways at the same time; both parties must feel interested for a relationship to go somewhere. That has not happened recently so therefore I am not dating someone.

4. Has someone caught you yet?
This question is just awesome because I love being compared to some fish in a net that has just been reeled in against its will. That is exactly how I want my love story to be!!!

How to answer: "Nope not yet!" Insert sweet smile here (they just eat up that sweet smile bit)

What I want to answer: No and I don't plan on being caught like a fish. I prefer it to be a mutual relationship instead of being reeled into something I don't want to be apart of.

5. Have you found someone yet because you've gotta be running out of time in the singles ward?
This one I have saved because not only are they bashing you because of your relationship status but they are calling you old simultaneously! My favorite!

How to answer: I haven't found anyone yet but I will keep looking hopefully I find one soon before I have to leave.

What I want to answer: Thank you for not only pointing out my single status but the fact that I am also getting old. I would like to inform you that I do still have 5 years left in the singles ward before I am nicely asked to move on to the family ward...family less. I would also like to congratulate you on your tactless skill in bringing up two sensitive subjects in one sentence! I am going to go wallow in self pity now.

Disclaimer: I said this was a how to post. I would suggest using the How to answer phrases and keep the What I want to answer part to yourself....it's more like an inner monologue. Really I shouldn't be trusted to give advice on this subject although I do have to say I am a professional and probably can give sound advice from experience how ever I do not want to be held responsible for anyone using any of this 'how to' advice. USE AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!