Halloween!

So as you can tell from my last post I was not myself. I went home this last weekend and just hung out with my dad. Before I left to come back to school I got a Priesthood blessing. AMAZING! It made all the difference. I love that my dad is able to do that for me and that I have the opportunity to know directly what my Heavenly Father wants for me. That is exactly what I needed. I am back to my crazy self again. :)

I am also on a volleyball team...I do not play volleyball. It is interesting to say the least. When a volleyball flies at me it kinda scares me. Last night I was able to hit the ball and even better it went over the net. I can now say volleyball is not that bad of a sport. It is no racquetball but it is fun and I would play again.

As for Halloween I am pretty excited! I actually bought a costume this year. The last costume that I planned for was like 4 years ago when my roommate and I went as King Arthur and Patsy and before that it was pretty much when I was a kid. I am pretty lame I know. This year that is going to change! As for next year I will most likely be lame again. HA HA! But this year will be epic!

: /

Sometimes life is hard. I look at those around me and the things they have to go through and I am grateful that my life has been basically pretty easy. I have a family who loves me unconditionally, some of the best friends a girl could as for, no major intense trials to deal with, more blessings than I can begin to type on this blog, a car that is like the enegizer bunny, and I usually have a generally happy positive (almost to the point of annoying) outlook on life. Today is different. I am in the mood to have a pity party. Since I am one of those people that would rather not put other people out to have to listen to my pathetic attempt to have a hard life I am just going to send it into the void of blogness.

These past few weeks something has been off and I don't know what it is. I am really good at hiding it so no one has noticed (Something I need to work on not being such a closed person, I have heard it is good to let people in sometimes).

This is what I feel like right now.

Things that have been going through my head as of late:

-Is it really possible for me to even be accepted into grad school?

-Found out I am failing a class today...great...grad school will never happen now! (Hopefully I can pull it up though! It is only midterms...look I am even positive during my own pity party! LAME!)

-Where do I even apply for grad school?

-Why do I keep people at arms length (more like a really really long awkward arms length)?

-How do I open up to people?

-Why do I even have a hard time opening up to people?

-Why does awkwardness seem to surround me?

-Is tired of being pushed and told I need to get married...it will happen when it happens.

-Why do people think if you are 24 and not married you are depressed and not living life to its fullest? (promise! I am a happy single person living life to its fullest!)

-Why do I always fall for the guys that I know will never like me back?

-What am I supposed to do with my life?

-Can I have a road map to my life or a detailed letter or something?

-Is a life as a hermit really all that bad?

-Can't understand why somethings just aren't as fun as they used to be no matter how hard I try to make them like they were?

-Is getting tired of the facade I am putting up...but at the same time I don't want people to see how I really feel.

-Why are some children put into situations where they are so close to the spirit but just not there and have to see the extreme opposite of what Heavenly Father wants for them?

-Why are peoples lives put into the hands of a complete stranger like a judge that doesn't even know what is going on?

-What if he makes the wrong decision and 2 kids are thrust into a life that will lead them to a life without the gospel?

-How can someone you looked up to as an example and someone you know had such amazing spiritual experiences fall so far away from the church?

Enough of my pity party now I am going to switch gears to make myself feel better. (Hopefully)

I read a friends blog regularly and she is always such an inspiration to me she looks at everyday as something to learn from and grow from. She is able to see the beauty in everyday. I want to be more like her. This is my first attempt at trying to be awesome like her.

Today I started my day off by waking up late and skipping my first class. I woke up to my roommate asking for a ride to class. I got up threw on a hoodie and drove her to class. When I got back I looked at the clock, 8:18. The bus comes at 8:20. To make my 8:40 class that is the bus I need to be on. It didn't happen. This has happened a couple other times and I just catch the next bus and I am only 10 minutes late to class. Today I just gave up and decided to skip my first class of the semester. I went to all my other classes and they were good. I went home and just chilled. Now I am in the library supposedly studying. Instead I am venting so I can hopefully focus better. Looking back on my day it had its ups and downs. I have made a small goal that each day I need to serve at least one person. Lately I feel like I have been failing miserably. I have even been praying for opportunities to serve or that I might notice opportunities (I am kinda oblivious and need all the help I can get). I was able to serve someone first thing this morning...how awesome is that!?! Looking back on that if I had not done that this morning I think I would have been Oscar the Grouch all day but instead I was able to forget myself and continue on. My lesson for the day don't be a grouch and service really does help you feel better. It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes, "Service is like peeing your pants, everyone sees it but you are the only one that gets the warm feeling." I need all the warm feelings I can get so I am going to try to be more servicable. :) Life is good and I am going to make the rest of the week and weekend great! Life is all about attitude and I know this but sometimes life just gets me down. I will prevail and continue to keep on keepin' on. Life is good. Thanks for listening blog void. Have an awesomely amazing rest of your week!